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“Dell Wars” Episode VII – Death of an Empire

Hey, wait, I thought I was done with Dell? Especially after the first six episodes? Yeah, and I thought Lucas was done making movies, but they keep coming, and it just keeps getting worse.

So, yesterday I decided to buy a new laptop. I'm recording an online Lecture series with IUPUI CSCI Dept. and I need a laptop to do it on. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Surely... surely, he didn't buy a Dell... right?" At this point, you're probably expecting me to say "wrong", but actually, I'm not a fracking idiot. I'll never give Dell another red cent in my entire life. I bought an HP.

Modest 15.4" Screen

4 GB Ram

2.1 GHZ AMD Turion X2 Ultra 64

Vista Home Premium

ATI RADEON HD 3200 Graphics card


LightScribe Direct Disc Labeling DVD Burner

SD-MS/Pro-MMC-XD media card reader

Removable Remote Control thingamabob (so I can use it as a TV)

Lots of lovely little ports some of which I don't know the name for (USB/eSATA/HDMI/Network/phone/monitor/etc)

So, I get this thing home. Get my wifi network back up and running, and low an behold, aparently this pissed off my Dell.

She must have gotten jelous of the new girl in town, because when I walked in the room after getting my lappy all up and running, the dell was deader than a doornail.

She won't even turn on. She just sits there with front panel error codes indicating she has bad memory. No bios screen, nothing. Just a number 3 and a number 4 lit up in green, as if to say, "Fine! I'm leaving!".

I even ripped out all the memory and hit the power button to see if it would give me the correct error codes for "no memory found", but nope. It still claims to have memory, but claims the memory is bad.

Well, guess what Dell? That's BS! You were going to remain my primary, but now it really does look like I'm abandoning you to the cobwebs of irrelevancy! Good ridance you over priced piece of crap! You never worked right in the first place!

If I didn't think there was a chance I could fix it (probably have to buy a new motherboard, this will be it's third one) I'd take it out back and beat the snot out of it with a baseball bat.



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